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Clinton and the Intern A Haiku Series |
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The haiku seems to have become the Internet denizen's preferred form of humorous commentary; I suppose it's akin to the kind of political doggerel that spawned the ``Mother Goose'' nursery rhymes centuries ago. This particular set of haiku addresses Bill Clinton's alleged difficulty with his zipper. New material as of January, 2001. Clinton's out of office. We take a few final parting shots. |
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| The Players: | |
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| All material is copyright © 1998-1999 by the authors. | |
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| Circa January, 1998, around the time the whole mess hit the papers ... | |
| (law) |
I did not have sex. To me sex is not oral. Can I resign now? |
| (srs) |
Important issues Middle East, economy I have a boner |
| (bmc) |
Yassir comes over. I explain my problem, and He talks about sheep. |
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New secretary. Intelligent, capable. Will she suck my dick? | |
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Important meeting, Summit talk with heads of state. Wow, look at that babe. | |
| (rjc) |
McDonalds, Big Mac, Monica Lewinsky, Fries: The Clinton Diet. |
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"Bobbing for apples" in the Oval Office takes on a new meaning. | |
| (bmc) |
What the hell's the point Of having all this power Unless I get laid? |
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Cute, nubile intern Tight ass, firm tits, blowjob lips. God, I love this job. | |
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Late night, working hard. Vernon, send out for pizza. I'll call Monica. | |
| (srs) |
Sucking and slurping I look down and I realize Why I'm Chief Of Staff |
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I never inhaled And I became President So just don't swallow | |
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Signing the treaty There's Middle East peace at last Sounds under the desk | |
| (bmc) |
The people wonder: "Why does he cheat on his wife?" Because she scares me. |
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Fat body, big nose. But because I have power She'll gladly suck me. | |
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She did not swallow. I did not stick it in her. So, what's the big deal? | |
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After my orgasm I feel remorse and regret. Wait--I'm hard again. | |
| (rjc) |
Do you think she will spit out Mister President's crazy trouser trout? |
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Savory semen. President spent his big load. Now faces public. | |
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Book by Walt Whitman, Stuffed animal by Gucci. Facial by Clinton. | |
| (gt) |
"Just getting to know my female constituents" - in biblical sense. |
| (srs) |
Precious white liquid Not a drop should be wasted Presidential cum |
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Thoughts of Abe Lincoln Roosevelt and Kennedy The President cums | |
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The highest office The leader of the free world No pants on today | |
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The Oval Office A place of great history What's that carpet stain? | |
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One small passing thought Of Pat and Richard Nixon Chief of Staff goes limp | |
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Before unzipping A post-it note reminds him Don't touch The Button | |
| (bmc) |
Clinton's in the news. The latest revelation: Semen on her dress. |
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All this discussion About Clinton's penile deeds. He's no JFK. | |
| (cm) |
Old horny Willy Makes the country look silly Ken Starr is a dick |
| (bmc) |
Pure innuendo, Not facts, just speculation: Yellow journalists. |
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Paula testified, "It twists a bit to one side." Bill's tricky dicky. | |
| February, 1999, during the Senate impeachment trial ... | |
| (bb) |
Anchor winks and says: "Genetic material (you know what we mean)" |
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Part innuendo, Part characterization That name "Slick Willie" | |
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"Gennifer Flowers : Not great sex, but real discreet -- She cleaned her dresses." | |
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If Ken Starr had stuck With Whitewater misconduct Would we give a shit? | |
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"Blowjobs are much worse Than arms deals with terrorists," Reagan tells Clinton. | |
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Hillary calls vet: "The dog needs to be neutered -- I don't mean Buddy." | |
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G.O.P.: "We want Porno off the Internet (Unless we post it)" | |
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Hillary's haiku: "Each time he comes home With his tail between his legs I get more power." | |
| (bmc) |
Impeachment trial. Will Clinton be convicted? What a legacy. |
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If Bill is thrown out We'll have a new president, One that's made of wood. |
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"Call Miss Lewinsky!" Kennedy stares at her lips As she testifies. |
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| (rjc) |
Around the White House cigars were back in style and inside Lewinsky. |
| (bmc) |
Bill has a problem: With the trial underway, No one will blow him. |
| (srs) |
Bill is frustrated. With the trial underway, Buddy's looking good. |
| (bmc) |
Ordering attacks Fast planes shooting big missiles: It's just not the same. |
| (law) |
Managers Manage. Senators sit as judges. Rhenquist falls asleep. |
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Bill is two-faced? He compartmentalizes? Is is is is false? |
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| (rjc) |
While we debate "is", Social Security will bankrupt the country. |
| (bmc) |
Public cries, "Enough!" New York Times poll discovers. So, what else is new? |
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It's like a circus. It would be appropriate If they wore clown suits. |
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Vernon Jordan called. Sid Blumenthal testifies. Clinton waits and sweats. |
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| (law) |
Hillary told Bill You may play your sax, but not Your whoremonica. |
| January, 2001: Clinton becomes ex-President Clinton | |
| (bmc) |
Fined and suspended. Yes, I testified falsely. Spin, Kendall, spin! |
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A note to myself: Upstage inauguration. Too tacky? So what? |
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So I fibbed a bit At the Paula Jones trial. It's not like I lied. |
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At the last minute Rammed through pardons and new rules. Suck on that, Dubya. |
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| (law) |
Cheney has it made No sharing with Hillary as Gore had to do |
| (srs) |
George and Laura in Looking at their new bedroom Let's get that stain out |
| (bmc) |
George sits at his desk. Finds gum stuck underneath it. Wait--it isn't gum. |
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Hillary's at work. Bill's home and can't get any. He's out of power. |
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Outside the White House I'm allowed to smoke cigars. It's just not the same. |
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| (rjc) |
A sad day for Bill. Nineteen-year old twins reside. Where intern once played. |
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Eight year bash is done. Oval Office stains are gone. Dub-ya takes his turn. |
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The keg is empty. Moving trucks carry more beer. Tastes the same. Like busch. |
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$Id: clinton-haiku.html 6964 2007-08-12 15:24:39Z bmc $ |
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