Written in response to the series of Unabomber Haikus posted to rec.humor.funny.
| (law) | I made bomb with wood. Wouldn't have done it, but she hated me so much. |
| (bmc) | I sent off my prize So lovingly constructed. Then I shot my wad. |
| Technology sucks Except, of course, explosives. They are really cool. |
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| (law) | I had a cabin It is now a mobile home. The planes are so loud. |
| (bmc) | Bad mathematics, A horrible regimen. I like grisly fun. |
| (law) | Mathematics good Steve is not good at haiku Brian is so bad. |
| Qualifiers are not necessary when it is obvious. |
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| (srs) | Package delivered, Scattered blood and body parts. My theorem complete. |
| (law) | I love to ride my bicycle to mail cheerful packages of gore. |
| (srs) | Off to the outhouse Chilly and damp in the dark Time to kill again. |
| (law) | Trees, Nature, wood, math, girl, brother, manifesto, bombs. it works for me |
| (srs) | Mail bombs delivered Manifesto is published I'll bet she's impressed. |
| (law) | Fair trial, no chance, OJ thinks I'm guilty, too. So what if I am? |
| (bmc) | Excruciating, An adolescent misfit. I will show them all. |
| (law) | Put spikes in old trees. Save them from suburban homes. No, do something else. |
| (bmc) | The deer ate my crops. I would like to blow them up. I can't; it is wrong. |
| (law) | Three point one four one five two. PI reminds me of circles. Return mail comes back? |
| (bmc) | I hate Schoolhouse Rock. Kids should never learn that stuff. If they do, we'll die. |
| (srs) | Me and my slide rule Together in the cabin. We're right. They're wrong. Bang. |
| Spurned by a female. Now build explosives and mail. A manifesto. |
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| Familiar blue man Bringing a package to you It explodes. I laugh. |
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| A need to change things. But how to do this alone? Postal delivery. |
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| (law) | Prison not so bad. Girl friend did not like me much. Hollow tunnel rear. |
| (bmc) | I finished a proof. Shows that God does not exist. But he likes my bombs. |
| (law) | Hate Charles river, Airline has bumped me again. Plastique is answer. |
| (rjc) | Package sent by geek, With a fuse and some plastique from cabin by creek. |
| Some say I maintain a psychopathic lifestyle. Wood bombs make me smile. |
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| Montana was cold. My butt will be very warmed by large prisoner. |
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| Little bombs in mail make Kaczinski go to jail. He won't bomb again. |
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| Don't use U.P.S. for explosives, Use U.S. Postal Service, please. |
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| (law) | Wait for plans to gel. She wouldn't go out last night. Have you seen my bike? |
| (bmc) |
Kaczynski cops plea. "Yes, your Honor, I did it." Back to the Big House. |
| (srs) |
I pleaded guilty Now I must sit here and rot Where's my underwear? |
| (rjc) |
Ted won't hang today although he did it, he'll stay alive, but bent over. |
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It is moving day. Ted says, "Where is my chisel.". Cellmate provides wood. | |
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Ted now looks like shit. Three square meals a day may help. Guaranteed for life. | |
| (bmc) |
It's dull in prison. I build nice things in the shop. Can't get in mail room. |
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I look at the sky. Large, blue, clear, like Montana. My cell: my cabin. | |
| (rjc) |
In solitary, seems like Montana, except there is no plastique. |
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Ted crafted wooden bombs and he now will become burly cellmate's wife. | |
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Ted writes another manifesto in prison. No one can read it. | |
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Lights out! The guard says. Shit! Too late to read my mail. Return to sender. Boom! |